Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Oh man oh man oh man......
I'm failing miserably. Not academically, but more of a section thing. I can't seem to get them on my wavelength. Or maybe it's a problem of me not being on THEIR wavelength.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to friday's combined setionals with the trombones and horns. Been waiting for something like this, and only now it's happening.
I really wish I could care for my section. Care as in CARE, the consideration issue type. As Zizie was kind enough to remind me in the conversation just now, I should be leaving the caring and consideration issue to Shima and only concentrate on the technical stuffs, like I have been doing all along.
But I don't understand. I also want to care about them, not just their music, but their personal self as well.
Maybe this is why i can say my section is the most technically risen section. Sure, they have their faults, but they are being worked on, as close to the books as I can make out.
But that is not enough. I feel out of the section, like a pariah. They converse behind the timpani, and I somehow feel left out.
I am not complaining, instead I should learn to live with it. But the yearning to be actively involved not just technically but emotionally as well, is very strong in me...
Perhaps they've grown sick of seeing me in front every sectionals, perhaps they are sick of the songs i still find interesting, which are the SYF pieces. Perhaps I am too shallow for their profound minds to interact with. Perhaps I cannot understand their thoughts during band practice. Perhaps... Perhaps..perhaps...
I don't know what to do.
I cannot wait to move on. The weight of the great responsibility is getting to me. I'm losing the vigor with which I handled sectionals in the previous year.
Zat once said that it wasn't my fault. He was wrong. It WAS my fault. Only an idiot like me could make the drastic blunder of being the most lenient section leader ever.
To Zat: you were wrong.
To TWE: I Tried
and to Percussion, my wonderful section: I'm sorry.
|
I'm failing miserably. Not academically, but more of a section thing. I can't seem to get them on my wavelength. Or maybe it's a problem of me not being on THEIR wavelength.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to friday's combined setionals with the trombones and horns. Been waiting for something like this, and only now it's happening.
I really wish I could care for my section. Care as in CARE, the consideration issue type. As Zizie was kind enough to remind me in the conversation just now, I should be leaving the caring and consideration issue to Shima and only concentrate on the technical stuffs, like I have been doing all along.
But I don't understand. I also want to care about them, not just their music, but their personal self as well.
Maybe this is why i can say my section is the most technically risen section. Sure, they have their faults, but they are being worked on, as close to the books as I can make out.
But that is not enough. I feel out of the section, like a pariah. They converse behind the timpani, and I somehow feel left out.
I am not complaining, instead I should learn to live with it. But the yearning to be actively involved not just technically but emotionally as well, is very strong in me...
Perhaps they've grown sick of seeing me in front every sectionals, perhaps they are sick of the songs i still find interesting, which are the SYF pieces. Perhaps I am too shallow for their profound minds to interact with. Perhaps I cannot understand their thoughts during band practice. Perhaps... Perhaps..perhaps...
I don't know what to do.
I cannot wait to move on. The weight of the great responsibility is getting to me. I'm losing the vigor with which I handled sectionals in the previous year.
Zat once said that it wasn't my fault. He was wrong. It WAS my fault. Only an idiot like me could make the drastic blunder of being the most lenient section leader ever.
To Zat: you were wrong.
To TWE: I Tried
and to Percussion, my wonderful section: I'm sorry.
